letters to friends lost/ letters to friends retained: part one


do you ever stop and think WHY are we still friends? i don’t mean to come off sounding like an ass, but i guess i’m more trying to get to the existential truth of how do we really define friendship. there are few people in this world that i consider counting among my true friends, and you most definitely are one of them.  and yet…when was the last time we talked?{not emailed/messaged/ what-have you, but actually talked?} or even saw each other? {i think over 2 years ago  this past summer???}.

i acknowledge, in part, that distance plays a LARGE part of this {2,025 miles according to google maps} so it’s not like i can just pop on over for tea. or like we can set up movie night or girl’s night or whatever. the last time we were close enough to do any of that was high school. crazy right??

i also acknowledge that time plays {perhaps} an even greater part in all this.and not just the obvious living in different time zones. but also the fact that i know time is precious for you– even more so than it is for me. the demands of your occupation {of which i’m still so incredibly proud of you for accomplishing!}, and having a beautiful family of your own, i don’t even know how you find time for yourself!

more than anything, i blame myself for not trying harder. in recent years, i’ve even let standard holiday cards slip by. {did i even send Hanukkah or rosh hashanah e-cards this past year???} i have yet to send you this book i bought ages ago, the intent being you could read it to/with your girls, especially since both there names are attached to it: the author’s name, and one of the characters.  i don’t think i have ever called you, unless we are in the same state, which happens so infrequently. i’ve never even asked if we can set up a time to skype.

despite all of this, i still consider us close. i still refer to you as one of my best friends. does this mean that i am failing as a friend, or does it speak to some greater truth, that i know deep-down, no matter what, WHEN i reach out to you, WHEN we have time, it will not matter how long it’s been since the last time we spoke/saw each other. that somehow, our friendship –though thousands of miles apart, with many time gaps in between–has survived going to different colleges, living in different states and countries, pursuing different careers…? i guess it must.

i want to believe this letter is just a first step. that i will try harder to be a better friend.

forgive me for not trying harder before.

Posted on 21 January, 2013, in series and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Oh dear friend, I think if friendships were judged by frequency of contact alone, I would have no friends at all. That’s why I like you~we can be friends no matter what the distance, whether time, space, philosophical, anything. There will always be something about you that understands something fundamental about me. I’m not sure what it is, but I suspect it has to do with our shared experiences growing up, and our stubborn fight to assert our relevance to our worlds, even though (no, because!) we are women. (And yes, I’m looking at you, too, n.)

    And please, please strike those “I blame myself” thoughts from your mind, because if you blame yourself, then I ought to blame myself just as much, and then we will both blame ourselves and with every passing day, we will just hate ourselves more. Neither of us have done anything wrong, and guilt plays no part in this. I have no doubt, as we have been friends since childhood, that should we (finally!) arrange a Skype date, that we both would find it good for our souls, whenever it may be. I know that if my life ever implodes and I have nowhere to turn, I can appear on your doorstep and you will take me in without question, and our Beetles could park alongside each other in your driveway.

    Did you know that I have been thinking about you at least twice a day lately? Here’s why: we bought the newest Elizabeth Mitchell CD, and it’s only 40 minutes long. It plays on repeat in our house until the girls go to bed. Whenever Kooks comes on, I imagine that you and t are singing along with t and I: http://www.rhapsody.com/artist/elizabeth-mitchell/album/blue-clouds/track/kooks.

    I am honored to be your friend, and touched that you are thinking of me today.

  2. no big surprise, but you & yours have been on my mind a lot as well. perhaps it was the christmas photo??? so *YOU* got to be the lucky “first victim” in my series! { n is FAR from safe —ha HA!} PM me times that work well for skype, ok? love to the whole fam.

  3. Somehow I am just now seeing these comments (I read the post months and months ago) – talk about being a lousy friend. :/ I’ll second a – no matter what the distance, I know that you are both there for me and will always get me on a level that others never will. I miss you!!!!

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