mists of mind

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one of the many definitions of GUILT, as defined by the merriam-webster dictionary, reads thus: a :  the state of one who has committed an offense especially consciously b :  feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy 

that secondary part— feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy— i find to be deeply ingrained in me. i find myself “feeling guilt” for absurd reasons, and i’m not sure from which aspect of my life it comes from: being female? being adopted? being raised Lutheran? being working class? all of the above????

i am beyond fortunate enough to have an incredible spouse- among the bazillion of selfless and amazing things he does for me, to celebrate my upcoming birthday { a mid-decade-benchmark } he is taking me back to japan. JAPAN! i should be excited…hell, i **AM** excited, yet i find it hard to talk about. i was even going to keep it secret from my parents!

why do i “feel guilty” about this trip? is it because i don’t think i am deserving?  that i sense i am inadequate of such attentions?

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Posted on 30 May, 2016, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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