Blog Archives
#12 & 13: reading in a public setting; practicing self-care–massage
not much to say about #13- practicing self-care:massage. i booked a 90 minute massage at a local place. it was heavenly! soothing music, muscle manipulation, a heated massage table !!! i think i struggle with justifying spending a huge chunk of money on something so fleeting, particularly because it’s sole purpose is to care for myself. $100+ for a tattoo…that’s fine because it literally lasts forever. around $100/month for unlimited yoga classes {which i’m not currently doing….it’s on the list} seems reasonable because you’re building a healthy practice. but $ for massage….i struggle with feeling “i’m worth it.”
on #12, reading in a public setting…i thought it would be an easy challenge. i love reading. i’m never bothered by taking a book to say a park or the beach to read. however, on two different days, my book and i went out into the world for food/coffee and reading time. i’m not sure if i feel awkward or pathetic or what, but both times, at both locations, i could barely stand staying more than 30 minutes after finishing the food or beverage before me. probably due to the fact that i used to work in cafes, and hated when people would sit at tables FOR HOURS knitting or reading or doing school work without ordering more. do i feel i must spend more to be allowed to stay and read? quite possibly….
#15: supporting my local bookstore
yesterday, i publicly challenged myself to 30 “days” of change. today i began that journey with a trip to my local bookstore.
it’s been AGES since i’ve purposefully made a trip to a bookstore- sure, i’ve walked through corporate chain stores, but the last time i remember actually going into a store for the purpose of browsing-to-buy… before my nephew was born, and that was january 2015!
i had forgotten how charming and welcoming bookstores can be- the labyrinthine aisles of new and used tomes, the silly last minute cards & presents, the smell of paper and binding glue. i’m fortunate to live in an area that supports MULTIPLE local bookstores- some with more than one location! i stopped at this particular branch because it was on the way home from work and spent about an hour roaming. i will DEFINITIVELY be returning in the near future to scope out YA titles to borrow from the library.
one of the things i love most about independent stores is the humanity that pervades them. based on the hand-written employee recommendation cards, i left with 3 new books: 2 colour/activity { for future challenges ;) } and the next in a graphic novel series i’m reading. yes, this was an easier challenge, but i’m going to ease myself in- AND CELEBRATE THAT I DID IT!!!! this is all about growth and change…
power of the subconscious mind
this past monday, i underwent my first ever session of hypnotherapy. over the years of “regular” talk-based therapy, generative somatic therapy, and the like, i keep coming up against figurative brick walls, where no more insight or progress can be made. my current { and totally awesome therapist } likes to describe herself as “a little bit WOO”, as in she is also a trained hypnotherapist, reiki practitioner, and knowledgeable in all sorts of alternative practices { chakras, chinese medicine, etc.}. i finally decided to take the plunge and give hypnotherapy a try, since i fear a deeply rooted self-sabotage is WHY i keep hitting those walls.
i didn’t know what to expect, so i was nervous/anxious/excited all at once. going into a trance state, where the subconscious mind can be accessed, felt a lot like being submerged under water: my ears felt plugged up, i felt heavy & hazy, i was aware of myself but not completely able to control basic movements–nodding my head or signaling that i was rooting something into place took EXTREME effort. the one thing that i take away from this first experience, which was really about setting parameters for future session work, is that i am deeply influenced by madeleine l’engle’s A WRINKLE IN TIME. Read the rest of this entry
nuggets of wisdom 2: “the noonday demon”
i had suspected that this book would be full of juicy, thought-provoking wisdom, and so far, i have not been disappointed.
from page 133:
Most people cannot emerge from really serious depression just by fighting; a real serious depression has to be treated, or it had to pass. But while you are being treated or waiting for it to pass, you have to keep up the fighting. To take medication as part of the battle is to battle fiercely, and to refuse it would be as ludicrously self-destructive as entering a modern war on horseback. It is not weak to take medications; it does not mean that you can’t cope with your personal life; it is courageous. { emphasis mine } Nor is it weak to seek help from a wise therapist. Faith in God and any form of faith in yourself are great. You must take your therapies, all kinds, with you into the struggle. You cannot wait to be cured.
nuggets of wisdom: “the noonday demon”
this is part one of a new “series” of posts– quotes or passages from books i am reading that i don’t want to forget.
i’m currently reading The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression { by Andrew Solomon }. it is part memoir, part scientific research, part sociological & culturally-anthropological analogy. only 42 pages in and i’m gaining so much insight on myself, and on how humanity deals { or doesn’t deal } with depression.
anyways, here is the passage i wish to share, from page 17:
It is not pleasant to experience decay, to find yourself exposed to the ravages of an almost daily rain, and to know that you are turning into something feeble, that more and more of you will blow off with the first strong wind, making you less and less. Some people accumulate more emotional rust than others. Depression starts out insipid, fogs the days into a dull color, weakens ordinary actions until their clear shapes are obscured by the effort they require, leaves you tired and bored and self-obsessed– but you can get through all that. Not happily, perhaps, but you can get through.
stein {over-excited} 