Blog Archives
#15: supporting my local bookstore
yesterday, i publicly challenged myself to 30 “days” of change. today i began that journey with a trip to my local bookstore.
it’s been AGES since i’ve purposefully made a trip to a bookstore- sure, i’ve walked through corporate chain stores, but the last time i remember actually going into a store for the purpose of browsing-to-buy… before my nephew was born, and that was january 2015!
i had forgotten how charming and welcoming bookstores can be- the labyrinthine aisles of new and used tomes, the silly last minute cards & presents, the smell of paper and binding glue. i’m fortunate to live in an area that supports MULTIPLE local bookstores- some with more than one location! i stopped at this particular branch because it was on the way home from work and spent about an hour roaming. i will DEFINITIVELY be returning in the near future to scope out YA titles to borrow from the library.
one of the things i love most about independent stores is the humanity that pervades them. based on the hand-written employee recommendation cards, i left with 3 new books: 2 colour/activity { for future challenges ;) } and the next in a graphic novel series i’m reading. yes, this was an easier challenge, but i’m going to ease myself in- AND CELEBRATE THAT I DID IT!!!! this is all about growth and change…
power of the subconscious mind
this past monday, i underwent my first ever session of hypnotherapy. over the years of “regular” talk-based therapy, generative somatic therapy, and the like, i keep coming up against figurative brick walls, where no more insight or progress can be made. my current { and totally awesome therapist } likes to describe herself as “a little bit WOO”, as in she is also a trained hypnotherapist, reiki practitioner, and knowledgeable in all sorts of alternative practices { chakras, chinese medicine, etc.}. i finally decided to take the plunge and give hypnotherapy a try, since i fear a deeply rooted self-sabotage is WHY i keep hitting those walls.
i didn’t know what to expect, so i was nervous/anxious/excited all at once. going into a trance state, where the subconscious mind can be accessed, felt a lot like being submerged under water: my ears felt plugged up, i felt heavy & hazy, i was aware of myself but not completely able to control basic movements–nodding my head or signaling that i was rooting something into place took EXTREME effort. the one thing that i take away from this first experience, which was really about setting parameters for future session work, is that i am deeply influenced by madeleine l’engle’s A WRINKLE IN TIME. Read the rest of this entry
diving deeper
i know i write a lot about depression. it’s inevitable, given that it is part of my life. and, unfortunately, it happens to be a part of the lives of many of those i love and hold dear. my last 2 posts were literally just giant passages from the book i’ve been reading { the noonday demon: an atlas of depression by andrew solomon } that i basically wanted to “bookmark” for reference later. this post is more of a reflection on a short passage i encountered a couple of days ago, and have been mulling over ever since.
“Children of depressed mothers may suffer not only depression but also attention deficit disorder, separation anxiety, and conduct disorder. They do badly in social and academic situations, even if they are intelligent and have some attractive qualities of personality. They have unusually high levels of physical complaints- allergies, asthma, frequent colds, severe headaches, stomach aches- and complain of feeling unsafe. They are often paranoid,” {pgs. 181-182}.
this excerpt is not only talking about the child in their youth, but also within the greater context of becoming a depressed adult. and it describes CHILD ME to a tee: Read the rest of this entry
nuggets of wisdom: “the noonday demon”
this is part one of a new “series” of posts– quotes or passages from books i am reading that i don’t want to forget.
i’m currently reading The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression { by Andrew Solomon }. it is part memoir, part scientific research, part sociological & culturally-anthropological analogy. only 42 pages in and i’m gaining so much insight on myself, and on how humanity deals { or doesn’t deal } with depression.
anyways, here is the passage i wish to share, from page 17:
It is not pleasant to experience decay, to find yourself exposed to the ravages of an almost daily rain, and to know that you are turning into something feeble, that more and more of you will blow off with the first strong wind, making you less and less. Some people accumulate more emotional rust than others. Depression starts out insipid, fogs the days into a dull color, weakens ordinary actions until their clear shapes are obscured by the effort they require, leaves you tired and bored and self-obsessed– but you can get through all that. Not happily, perhaps, but you can get through.
the shortening of days
every year, the length of daylight ebbs and flows…it’s impossible not to notice. the languorously long, sun-soaked summer days eventually give way to the chilled, dreary-dark of winter. and yet, i have never noticed it quite as much as this year. though i recollect the year i lived in rural japan {“teaching” english}, where in august it was bright past 11, and in december, it was pitch dark walking home from work at 4, never before have i noticed how i tend to embody the changes in season. perhaps, i never took the time to notice.
more than ever, i’m recognizing patterns: in the foods i crave, in the activities i want to do, in the beer i drink, and in how i notice/partake in time. in the bright months of summer, i want nothing more than to be outdoors–even if it’s just reading a book, with a thermos of unsweetened, iced green tea or mugicha by my side. i crave cold/cool things, lighter in body, simpler in profile: sushi, salads, watermelon, fresh fruits/veggies, cold pasta/chicken/tuna salads. i drink hefeweizens, pale ales, things low in abv. and above all, even with loads of sunlight, it feels like i never have enough time to accomplish everything i want to–> time slips by unnoticed.
in contrast, these shortened days we’re now facing, i’m amazed at all i get done before the sun sets, particularly on my days off. i drink heavy-bodied ales: stouts, porters, things barrel-aged, barleywines, spiced ales, pumpkin beers. i want hot, rich, savoury foods: casseroles, soups, crock pot meals, fresh-baked breads, root vegetables & gourds, things loaded with cheese/sour cream/ butter. i prefer being indoors, under loads of blankets, with my kitties on my lap- sipping hot cocoa, cider or small-earthenware pots filled with lapsang souchong or puerrh.
even with all the technology at our finger tips- instant communication, movie streaming, the “plugged in” culture- and all the modern “food” conveniences- like raspberries at the grocers in january or the conveyor-belt sushi joint by work–it’s absolutely,mindbogglingly amazing to me how my body still is in tune with its surroundings. it hasn’t lost touch with seasonality, and i endeavour to do the same
impressions from last evening
i arrived at the tap house where my spousal unit works about an hour before he was finished–plenty of time to relax & enjoy a pint before he was done. it’s a small, cozy place with only a handful of tables { very neighbourhood feel to the place } but around 40 beers on tap.
the tv mounted on the wall was tuned to the syfy channel, showing some b-flick that had both jena malone and one of the ashmore twins in it. i tried to find it on imdb, but the phone app version wasn’t very forth coming. so, if anyone knows what it was, i’m curious.
there was another table with a solo gal; she was engrossed in a harry potter novel and dressed like she wished her pivotal years of growing up had been the early nineties: black toque over a mane of curly hair, nose ring & septum piercing, black ringed eyes, over-sized red plaid flannel shirt over an even more over-sized white t-shirt/dress, black leggings and doc martins. it was a great outfit.
the table closest to me was full of loud { and boy do i mean loud }, really drunk hipsters. with a lapdog. when i first sat down they were yelling about how awesome said dog was and snapping selfies with the pooch, as well as snapping pics of the skinnier of the gals who was double-fisting 2 pints. sigh. and then, some how, comic-con came up. that’s when it got irritating: it is no secret that i am a HUGE nerdy geek and proud. i love my fellow nerds, and, having just last weekend, attended my first PAX { all four days, baby! } i just knew it was going to get painful to hear them { because, let’s be honest, they were too damn loud to just ignore }. and boy was i right. double-fist girl got all excited about dressing up outside of halloween “you mean, i get to wear a costume? omg guys? what should i be?” the unanimous vote was { this is a direct quote }: “that princess leia chick when she’s in prison by jabba the hutt.” slave leia. because THAT’S original. she didn’t get the reference at first until the other girl was like: { more direct quote } “you know, from that star wars movie…with the 3CPO { her words } robot and…the fish-dude…general ackbar?” they all then spent about 5 minutes repeating, “it’s a trap!” while i literally face-palmed myself and caught the eye of nineties chick who also had an incredulous look on her face.
after that lovely repartee, a group of 4 guys- all dressed like stereotypical metal-heads, sat down at the table directly next to mine. oh great, i thought, it’s going to get even louder. much to my surprise, not only were they non-yellers, but their conversation ran the gamut from MAGIC the gathering, to D&D, to online RPGs, to their impressions of this year’s PAX. and they had a heated discussion about their next dungeon crawl!
just goes to show…you truly CANNOT judge a book by it cover.
stein {over-excited} 